Everything I Watched in 2022
70 Movies, 5 Limited Series & 10 Seasons of Television
ALL OR NOTHING: TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS (2021)
The team was one of the best in the league. There were highs, there were lows — all during a season shortened by the pandemic. Fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs will never forget this season, for better or worse, so it’s really cool to have these five episodes to get an inside look at what that season looked like for the players, coaches, and executives that were there as this historic franchise set their sights on some playoff success, which had eluded them for so long.
LICORICE PIZZA (2021)
Paul Thomas Anderson is a wizard. He has the uncanny ability of bending time and space to make two hours feel like four. But god damn, film looks beautiful in his hands — and so does our beloved Valley.
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (1989)
As a person who does not watch many romantic comedies, I must ask: Is this the perfect romantic comedy? Not just A perfect rom-com, but THE perfect rom-com. So many romantic comedies borrow from this movie but few do romantic or comedy quite as well.
500 DAYS OF SUMMER (2009)
I am an absolute sucker for romantic stories with bittersweet (or downright sad) endings — especially if they have me rooting for a doomed relationship despite knowing full well (or deep down) that it will not work out. I’m also an absolute sucker for masterful storytelling. This movie fits perfectly into both of those specific sub-genres.
EASY A (2010)
It was crystal clear, even this early on, that Emma Stone would eventually go on to carry many a feature film on her shoulders. It should be noted, however, that Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci steal every scene that they’re in.
On the subject of this movie showing us a glimpse into the future: The moment where the female protagonist turns to Penn Badgley and asks him, “How do you know where I live?” aged stupendously well over the twelve years since this movie was released.
SPENCER (2021)
It’s difficult not to feel as though this movie is just a collection of scenes that hammer home the same point, over and over and over again, until the end. The cinematography and score, as well as Kristen Stewart’s performance, elevate this piece into something that may at times resemble a pleasurable viewing experience.
IN THE HEIGHTS (2021)
So much heart. So much life. So much joy.
If it wasn’t immediately clear when I saw this in the theaters, it’s certainly clear to me now upon rewatch: This film has earned a place on my list of comfort movies.
DEATH ON THE NILE (2022)
It’s really difficult to review a movie like this when I’ve already read the book. You guys tell me: Did it feel effectively plotted and paced for you? Did it feel effectively executed as a motion picture? Accepting the movie as an obviously lesser version of the story I know, I think I would answer “yes” to all of the questions above. Of course, the novel has far more meat, but I think this movie does quite well with the meat on its plate.
THE HANGOVER (2009)
After all these years, this movie still holds up to its legendary status. It moves at a million miles per hour and doesn’t miss a beat for its 100-minute runtime. And then, the end credits are brilliantly executed to act as the perfect cherry on top.
This film is actually funny — which is rare for comedies. The soundtrack slaps. The characters are cinematic icons, and their dialogue has been etched into pop culture at a level few movies have managed to accomplish. It’s a classic.
THE BATMAN (2022)
As a David Fincher fanboy, it’s impossible for me to not notice the influence that Se7en and Zodiac had on this film. I loved the approach taken by this first installment of what is sure to be a new series of Batman movies. I hope this tone and strategy toward pacing and storytelling remains consistent past this initial entry — I’d hate to see them fall back on tried and true superhero movie tropes. This film pulls off the three-hour runtime well — like many respectable serial killer murder mysteries, slowly and methodically leading up to a satisfying climax.
Robert Pattinson was good as Batman — his twist on the character is one we haven’t seen in live action. Zoe Kravitz, Andy Serkis, Colin Farrell, and Jeffrey Wright were all really engaging as their respective characters. The standout performer of the film, Paul Dano, was magnificent as this novel version of the Riddler. The city of Gotham felt as impressive as I’ve ever seen it on the big screen. The rampant corruption always mentioned in Batman stories felt overwhelmingly present and authentic in this one. The cinematography and direction were a pleasure to witness, and the score was one of my favorites in recent memory.
FRESH (2022)
I literally laughed out loud when the title screen popped up, followed by the opening credits, THIRTY-THREE minutes into the movie. It was a really compelling thirty-three minutes that preceded it. Empathy was established for the protagonist by watching her struggle through the grueling process of going on first dates — one that would have made somebody swear off dating for a while, and one that seemed way too good to be true. The viewer runs the gamut of relatable emotions watching all of this transpire in the first portion of the film.
After the opening credits, however, my engagement with this movie took a significant nosedive, and it never really recovered, but for several small sections throughout.
TURNING RED (2022)
It was certainly an interesting choice to use the last line of the movie to explicitly state what the previous ninety minutes we spent watching the movie were about.
This didn’t quite pack the punch that I look for in my Pixar films but it was certainly time well spent, and yet another example of how this company finds creative ways to tell stories involving complicated subject matter — especially if the complicated subject matter involves growing up.
THE WOLF OF WALL STREET (2013)
This is my second three-hour movie in as many days (I watched The Batman last night). Do you know what kind of movie it needs to be for me to willingly press play on it, knowing I’m in for yet another three-hour ride? It needs to be one of the single most entertaining motion pictures to come out in my lifetime. This is certainly that.
ZOLA (2020)
On this episode of Florida is a Cesspool…
Look, I get that this probably made for a really entertaining story to skim through on a twitter thread, but is it enough of a story to make a FIVE MILLION DOLLAR movie out of it? My answer would be no, but hey, it’s not my money.
WINDFALL (2022)
I would be willing to bet a considerable amount of money that the writers had the ending in mind before they built the rest of the story. They had the idea for that ending, felt like it was really strong, and set out to put the pieces in place to make that ending make sense.
Unfortunately, it felt as though all the writers did was set out to make the ending make sense, instead of setting out to make it pack as hard a punch as they probably felt it would have when they first got the idea for it. The ending felt right, but it didn’t feel as satisfying as it should have.
DEEP WATER (2022)
Experts put the chances of your marriage ending in divorce or separation at about 39% in the United States. It’s little more than a successful coin flip for any marriage to last these days. So who am I to judge what keeps the flame of a relationship flickering? It’s none of my business. More power to them. I wish them the best.
DRIVING HOME 2 U (2022)
Insightful commentary from the artist about the songs on her hit debut album. Beautifully reimagined versions of those songs played live in various interesting locations between Los Angeles and Salt Lake City. Throw in some behind the scenes footage of the creation of said album, and some pretty filmic visuals which serve as the adhesive between all of the aforementioned elements.
Nothing earth shattering here, as it seems as though these types of films are popping up more and more these days (and, mind you, I’ve enjoyed every single one). If you loved Olivia Rodrigo’s Sour, then you’ll love this too.
TICK, TICK… BOOM! (2021)
I’ve been playing this film’s soundtrack on repeat for the past week, but here I am on a Sunday night, still not satiated by the story that the music had to tell. I don’t usually revisit a movie I love this much this soon, but I had to scratch this itch. I simply had to feed the craving for everything this specific film has to offer to me.
BLOCKERS (2018)
I can’t imagine what all of this must feel like for parents. Those weighty emotions are explored here. In addition to that surprisingly nuanced element, this movie is legitimately very funny. John Cena is a comedic phenom.
THE NORTHMAN (2022)
This story of a man’s desperate need for revenge juggles active elements familiar to us all from several Shakespearean tales, with an ending that’s so predictable that it’s satisfying in its inevitability. There is so much blood, so much sweat, and a single tear. There are Vikings whose religions and myths are not seen as figments of the characters’ imaginations but as real parts of life, as tangible as the grass in which they lay.
Robert Eggers has cemented himself as one of the best filmmakers working today with this, his third exceptional major motion picture in a row. This one is his biggest, and quite possibly his best. Only time will tell.
EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (2022)
A technical feat. A creative triumph. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s beautiful. But it didn’t connect with me the way I’d hoped it would. Maybe it was too much for me. Nothing struck a chord in me, emotionally. Given the widespread praise for this film, it’s probably a me thing. Go see it for yourself. Everybody is loving this. Maybe you will too.
FOUR FALLS OF BUFFALO (2015)
The “We Want Scott” chants are an example of what makes being a fan of sports such a fulfilling experience — and it’s also an example of the kind of dramatic strength that can be found in the subplots threaded within this film about the Bills team that lost four Super Bowls in a row.
THREE ROBOTS (2019)
There are more jokes that nailed its landing in these ten minutes than in most feature films that label themselves a comedy. Satisfyingly, most of the funniest quips came at the expense of our horrid species.
THREE ROBOTS: EXIT STRATEGY (2022)
This sequel short doubled down on making fun of humans’ social and class issues with a hand as heavy as the planet these robots are exploring. The micro observations about humanity were much better fodder for comedy than this.
BAD TRAVELLING (2022)
So much story filled into twenty minutes — plot beat after plot beat after plot beat, well spun together to make a cohesive whole. It’s a story about morality more than anything, making the viewer question whose side they’re on every step of the way.
THE VERY PULSE OF THE MACHINE (2022)
Don’t do drugs in space, kids.
NIGHT OF THE MINI DEAD (2022)
That wide-shot opener deserves every Oscar at the next Academy Awards — and the rest of the nominees should be the rest of the wide shots in this short.
KILL TEAM KILL (2022)
This was a brutal watch — and not because of the gore.
SWARM (2022)
In what I’m seeing, this gives Avatar, a little Mass Effect, some Resident Evil. Unfortunately, it is devoid of any and all of what makes those stories interesting.
MASON’S RATS (2022)
The setup for this story about a rat infestation is outrageous. The execution of the story is even more so. It’s all such glorious fun — extra as fuck, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
IN VAULTED HALLS ENTOMBED (2022)
All of this looked really cool (especially that brief vision of the monster freed), but I struggled to find anything more buried in here other than it looking really cool.
JIBARO (2022)
There certainly is plenty of artistic prowess on display here, but I was made too uncomfortable by the excruciating sensory overload to give a shit.
ALL TOO WELL (2021)
As far as I’m concerned, the only reason to listen to the extended (inferior) version of the song is to do so in order to watch this short film written and directed by Taylor Swift.
STRANGER THINGS: Season 1 (2016)
This adaptation of the Stephen King novel that he didn’t write is fantastic.
The inaugural season ramped up at a perfect pace — not going too far too fast, but not frustratingly holding out on us. We don’t see the upside down until episode three. The thing is, though, we don’t care, because all of the strong character drama was giving us what we needed to happily coast through the first few hours. And it’s because all of that character drama was put into place early on that we’re as attached to these people as we are when their lives are put in harm’s way.
It’s no wonder that this series took off the way it did. These eight episodes were a wonderful introduction to one of Netflix’s biggest money-makers.
STRANGER THINGS: Season 2 (2017)
I’ve long held the belief that this show fell off in the third season. I was wrong — it fell off after the first. But what keeps us coming back for more, time and time again, are these characters, new and old. We just have to get through the Sci-Fi bits to get to the really good character bits — a deal millions of us have agreed to make. Nancy and Jonathan’s connection and Eleven’s yearning for her mother are a couple stand-out subplots.
The Upside Down and the monsters associated with it felt too much like retreading covered ground this season. It also felt less urgent. The new characters, however, were spectacular. Max and Billy are great, but Bob’s arc is a highlight of the entire season.
Speaking of new characters, I cannot end this review without at least mentioning the travesty that was Episode Seven: The Lost Sister. I don’t know what was going through the writers’ heads when they came up with this idea. I don’t know how it made it all the way into production on a show that probably costs a couple million per episode. They think just because they eluded to this with a cold open at the beginning of the season that suddenly this episode has any place within the story being told here with this series. Netflix could have pulled this episode out, and with a bit of ironing around it, nobody would even notice that it ever existed, and the season would have been better off.
STRANGER THINGS: Season 3 (2019)
There’s a cut in Episode Five where we go from Mike and Eleven are sharing M&Ms in the hospital to Johnathan and Nancy running for their lives in that same hospital, past hallways littered with dead bodies, away from a man possessed by the Mind Flayer. It was by putting two scenes like that side by side that made it abundantly clear that I couldn’t care less about the what was going on with the Mind Flayer and only wanted to spend more time with Mike and Eleven and their M&Ms. There’s a similar cut in Episode Eight where Steve and Robin were having a heart-to-heart on the floor of a bathroom stall. I didn’t notice how much fun I was having watching them talk until we cut away to a Flayed Billy hunting down the other kids. This genuinely felt like a massive buzzkill, and also reinforced what Season Two taught me: We’re not here for the Sci-Fi elements, we’re here for the characters.
If the writers have achieved absolutely anything with this series, it’s that they’ve mastered the art of creating interesting characters. First, they introduced the world to the main cast in Season One. We got Max, Billy, Murray, and Bob in Season Two. Then, we got Robin, Erica, and Smirnoff in Season Three. One after another after another, they’re creating side characters that I wouldn’t mind following for entire episodes without cutting away.
This season struck me as the funniest of the bunch. I’ve only laughed out loud a handful of times on this rewatch, and all but one or two of those chuckles came during this season.
Once again, I must end a season review pointing out an enormous pet peeve: Having not seen Season Four yet, I’m eager to see how they explain away Hopper’s survival after we got a clear shot of everybody around him getting eviscerated by the explosion. And I look forward to seeing if committing the Cardinal Sin of bringing a character back to life (for all intents and purposes) can be forgiven by what they do with the character going forward.
STRANGER THINGS: Season 4, Part 1 (2022)
Allow me to start this review by answering the questions I was left with at the end of my Season Three review: Hopper’s storyline is so incredibly detached from anything happening with the kids that I can’t help but feel like it was a last minute decision to squeeze it in. Everybody saw how much viewers loved David Harbour’s Hopper (rightfully so) and they decided to keep him alive, and they concocted a plan to give him a storyline that wouldn’t interfere with what was going on with the kids. Of course, I’m almost certainly wrong about this, but that is what it feels like. Also, the Russians have always been the least interesting part of this series, with the exception of Smirnoff, so it’s amazing to me that the writers decided we should spend a quarter of this season so far surrounded by Russians in a prison in Russia.
Since it appears I’m starting of with the negatives, I feel the need to mention that it seems as though the writers have dropped the ball with Eddie’s character. They are so damn good at creating compelling side characters that I was massively disappointed with what we got from Eddie. He absolutely steals the show in the first episode and basically ceases to exist from that point forward.
Speaking of the first episode, I thought it was genuinely masterful. We get reintroduced to these characters after three years away from them, we get introduced to new characters, and we go on a slow ride toward arguably my favorite ending to an episode in this entire series. The introduction to this season’s Big Bad gave me chills from head to toe. The kids are older. They’ve been through a lot. Trauma adds up, and the stories inevitably get darker. I did not think Stranger Things would get this dark, but this first episode filled me with such excitement that I banged out all seven episodes of this first part in a single day — all in the hopes that it could reach the high that I got from that very first episode.
Episode One: The Hellfire Club would not end up being the only time I got chills across my whole body. Episode Four: Dear Billy successfully achieved that as well. Vecna had one of our main cast of characters in his grasp and the way that whole sequence played out hit me hard in the feels, even though I was desperately hoping for the darker ending. Vecna is, without question, a metaphor for depression — the show perhaps gives too much backing to this theory — so a part of me wanted the show to present the fact that mental illness strikes indiscriminately, even those we love and care for the most. That being said, I think the way this sequence was executed deserves to be lauded — it was well set up and it was effectively paid off.
Writing this review the day after bingeing the first seven episodes of Season Four, I find myself struggling to remember exactly what most of the characters were doing so far this season. The episodes were much longer than usual, and yet, I’m having a really hard time recalling how they were filled. While watching, I was finding it nearly impossible to care about any storyline that didn’t involve Vecna’s victims. And much to my chagrin, most of the season did not revolve around Vecna’s victims. The first episode was a perfect single-episode arc following one of them. And Episode Four finds us watching one as another one of them. A couple others are sprinkled throughout, but not given the attention and care as those two I just mentioned.
Because of this, from the end of Dear Billy to about halfway through Episode Seven: The Massacre at Hawkins Lab, the season was rendered quite forgettable. That said, the parts of this season that will come to mind when I think of it are some of the best parts of the entire series thus far.
TOP GUN: MAVERICK (2022)
Just good wholesome entertainment at the cinema. It makes you laugh, it pumps your adrenaline, it makes you cheer. It contains all of the tropes we love from stories like this while also filling it with themes and personal stakes deeper than the obvious ones, and deeper than most movies like this even attempt to incorporate these days.
PEAKY BLINDERS: Season 6 (2022)
I love this series. It was always right up there with Breaking Bad for me, and with Game of Thrones before… Anyway. But like Game of Thrones, and unlike Breaking Bad, this one didn’t end with the strength it deserved.
Season 5 felt like a lot of set-up for a big final season, leaving me mildly disappointed, but incredibly hopeful. Unfortunately, we were presented with the worst case scenario: A final season which was far from big. In fact, it was quite small. It felt a lot like the dust settling on the Peaky Blinders’ story — like the denouement. That, coming suddenly, without a proper homestretch and climax to the story preceding it.
All of the characters except for Tommy were let down with this final season. And I only make the exception for Tommy because of the final episode of the series, which actually leaves us with something to hold on to. The others just faded into the background, shells of themselves. If it weren’t for the final episode, the sour taste in my mouth after finishing this, one of my favorite series of all time, would have been nauseating. But truth be told, even that final episode felt quite flimsy, thematically. I’ll just make the conscious decision to ignore all that and pretend it’s a rock solid conclusion to the story of Thomas Shelby, OBE, leader of the Peaky fucking Blinders.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)
The music in this film is so very iconic, but nearly forty years later, it feels so bizarre and absurd for a horror movie to use during the scenes where the tension has to be at its most potent. That said, this whole film is bizarre and absurd, which makes it absolutely delightful to watch. They don’t make movies like this anymore, for better or worse. At least these will always exist.
DOCTOR STRANGE IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS (2022)
I don’t know why it took Disney Plus over fifteen months to air the WandaVision finale, but I’m glad it finally landed. Sam Raimi killed this. I wish he had directed the rest of the series too.
THE BLACK PHONE (2022)
I think the supernatural elements land in a way that’s not immediately obvious but contain firm connections to the story being told here about victims of abuse. Every step of the way, this movie takes tried and true story beats and gives them a slight nudge toward the creative and the thoughtful. It silently subverts so many expectations and quietly lays the groundwork for a story that blends the supernatural with the natural to tell a human story. You’re not bashed over the head with the allegorical elements here, and you’re not spoon-fed how everything connects, but I think there’s a web of connections, buried in layers, with subtext and subtle nods and remarks here and there. I think this may be a simple story brilliantly told.
Or I’m overthinking everything and it’s actually just a simple story told in an overly complicated, convoluted way for the sake of selling it as a supernatural horror movie from the director of Sinister, based on the short story written by the son of Stephen King. That said, I really think my instincts are right about this one.
Finally, I would be absolutely remiss if I didn’t mention the three main actors in this film. There’s a scene early on that required the kids to be at an emotional boiling point before having a sweet moment together. If those performances weren’t nailed, the whole movie falls apart. What ends up on screen are performances so god damn good that you’re ready to follow these kids to the ends of the earth, as long as they end up happy in the end. And Ethan Hawke is such an incredible performer and craftsman that, not only does he give a properly sinister performance in this, but he also never actually shows his face to the camera — yes, that four-time Oscar nominated face never sees the light of day.
STRANGER THINGS: Season 4, Part 2 (2022)
Chapter One: The Hellfire Club made us a promise for what this penultimate season was going to deliver. That promise was not honored. The writers played this season as safe as humanly possible.
When you introduce a menacing villain the way they did, and then you go the entire season without him actually hurting a single one of the main characters, there’s absolutely no suspense when our protagonists are “in danger” at the season’s climax. The stakes are non-existent. The writers didn’t make any bold decisions to earn the tension that was required for Vecna to feel as threatening as he was supposed to. He did about as much to disrupt the status quo as one of the hell hounds in Season Two did.
Please, for the love of God, don’t get me started about the decision to anticlimactically kill one of the characters for the purposes of successfully opening the door to the upside down, only to bring said character back to life using the powers of a single touch, which was added to Eleven’s bottomless arsenal of unexplained superpowers.
This season should have ended after Episode Five, and Max should have died while Running Up That Hill. With some minor tweaks, we would have arrived at the same result, and they would have saved us viewers hours of our lives. Speaking of Running Up That Hill, the music that saved Max’s life in that episode didn’t end up mattering in the end. It was just a plot device to save our protagonists from ever getting harmed. It wasn’t paid off in any real way — just an inexplicably bizarre form of plot armor.
Even the one side character that the writers killed off basically died in the exact same way that they killed off Bob Newby in Season Two. It’s almost comical how unoriginal that choice was. Did nobody in the early stages question that decision?
I’m going to go back and watch Chapter One: The Hellfire Club in the future because I think it’s a wonderfully self-sustaining story with suspenseful subtext about depression and a menacing villain who actually posed a threat to the characters around which this episode revolved. I’ll pretend the rest of this season never existed. Very little actually happened or changed (besides the fact that they’re all together now), so pretending this season never happened really isn’t all that difficult.
ELVIS (2022)
This film did a really good job at preventing me from actively analyzing whether or not it was a good film, or from thinking about how long it was. That is until the third act, when those subjects were all I could think about.
It did come to a close on a high note, however, which cleansed my mouth of the sour taste that was developing. In the end, I had fun.
THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER (2022)
There are entries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe that feel like events, and there are entries that feel like episodes. This certainly falls in the latter category. This was a mildly entertaining, probably very important episode that spends its entire runtime working toward introducing us to the character that the movie is named after. We’ll probably be seeing quite a lot of them in the future events and episodes of the MCU.
WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING (2022)
The shells of intriguing themes and interesting characters are present throughout this film, but we never get more than two inches deep into any of it — and that includes our main character.
Adaptations like this feel like they were made just to make an adaptation of a popular book — as if you get credit just for making the movie.
MINIONS: THE RISE OF GRU (2022)
As a twenty-nine year old man, with no kids, who has never seen any of the Despicable Me films, I was not exactly a member of this movie’s target audience. The crowd at my screening applauded at the end, however, so I guess it was a success.
MOLLY’S GAME (2017)
Aaron Sorkin’s dialogue. The complex eponymous character, and Jessica Chastain playing that character. The fascinating stories revolving around great sums of money and poker games. I love everything about this movie except for that scene with Molly’s dad at the skating rink. Its sheer existence is messy, and the scene itself is messier. It’s an awful blemish on Sorkin’s otherwise solid directorial debut.
NOPE (2022)
About halfway through this, I wondered: Does this film gain points or lose points because it’s a Jordan Peele movie? At first, I found within myself that it was hurting this film, because of how much I enjoyed his first two. But I caught myself and pulled my head out my ass — by the end of this, Jordan Peele’s third feature film, I came to terms with the fact that it may be my second favorite UFO movie of all time, whatever that’s worth.
PREY (2022)
For the millionth time, we’re presented with evidence that bigger doesn’t mean better. In fact, the opposite is often the case. Here we have a story about a girl desperate to prove herself to the community and to herself — and it’s more engaging than a mid-summer popcorn-flick prequel to Predator would have been.
For the second time, Dan Trachtenberg has crafted a more low-key, utterly compelling spinoff of a big-budget blockbuster. He’s got a type, and I’m here for it.
BODIES BODIES BODIES (2022)
The first half of this movie was struggling with an identity crisis, and the result was frustratingly uninteresting. It failed to juggle tones with any kind of success.
Then, a gun was introduced. Mind you, the gun wasn’t what gave this film legs — it’s just the point in the runtime when the film realized what it was and proceeded to double down on all of the satirical elements it used so sparingly in the first half. Where those initial moments of generational satire felt fleeting and therefore jarring, the scenes in the second half went neck deep with them, much to the movie’s benefit.
WATCHER (2022)
So often, the weak link in stories like this is the main romantic relationship. So often, the conflict between them feels unnaturally motivated. This movie is no different.
This looks fantastic — cinematography and production design. The acting is rock solid. The movie is well crafted. You can feel the anxiety that our protagonist is feeling, all while nothing violent or outwardly predatory is actually happening. It plays with our fear of strangers. It plays with our fear of loneliness. It even plays with our experience as watchers of movies, subverting expectations well enough to keep the viewer questioning themselves about what they think is actually going on here.
This movie does all of those things successfully, but the main relationship at the heart of the whole thing is shallow and boring, and therefore, weighs the entire film down.
CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE (2011)
I quote this movie more than ninety-nine percent of movies I’ve seen in my life. This is very high up there on my list of comfort watches. It is also my second favorite entry in the Gosling/Stone Cinematic Universe.
LA LA LAND (2016)
I ranked this as my second favorite movie of 2016 at the time, behind Barry Jenkins’ Moonlight. Now, six years later, I think this might be my second favorite movie of all time. Really goes to show how some films just sink their claws into you and never let go, in all the best ways. Also, for anyone keeping track, this is my favorite movie in the Gosling/Stone Cinematic Universe.
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS (2004)
These books were incredibly popular among millennials growing up. Hence why it’s a mystery to me why this film doesn’t, by now, have a cult following. The performances are silly and bombastic. The film is beautifully produced. Perhaps it’s not good enough. Perhaps it’s not bad enough. But this movie came and went with nothing more than a whisper, failing to earn a sequel. And eighteen years later, still, nobody talks about it. It’s as if this film doesn’t even exist — this film based on a book series that is sure to trigger great nostalgia in many a millennial adult.
MY OCTOPUS TEACHER (2020)
This documentary is about how an octopus profoundly affected a man’s life, but during the entire runtime, I kept thinking about how this man affected the octopus’s. These are questions that are impossible to get answers to, but I couldn’t help but wonder: Did she looked forward to seeing him every day? Did he brought her genuine joy? I wonder if she thought about him when he wasn’t around, if she missed him. I wonder if she thought about him as she was wounded, if she thought about him as she was dying.
She left quite the mark on this man, but this man may very well have been the only friend this octopus would ever have. There’s no telling how large an impact he had on her while she lived.
ARCANE: BRIDGING THE RIFT (2022)
The amount of joy that Arcane has brought me since it released is indescribable. I’ve watched countless video essays, read dozens of articles, and consumed copious amounts of content surrounding this single season of television. There’s so much depth in its storytelling, and I want to absorb it all — every last drop.
Then, out of the blue, this five-part documentary came out and graced YouTube with nothing short of a gift from God addressed to all of the people like me who simply cannot get enough of Arcane. Not only did these five episodes feed the obsession I have with this show, they also played into the obsession I have with the industries surrounding this property — both video games and Hollywood.
It was an absolute delight to watch these teams of brilliant minds come together to create the masterpiece that ended up being their final product.
HONK FOR JESUS. SAVE YOUR SOUL. (2022)
“Fuck you … God bless.” Words to live by.
This film plays just the right beat every step of the way to get a laugh out of its audience. And the laughs come heavy and often. When those laughs begin to grow sparse and the drama starts to settle in, the film moves with a snappy enough pace to never leave viewers wondering how much there is left in its runtime. It arrives, it makes you laugh, it makes you feel, and it departs — mighty fine storytelling.
8 MILE (2002)
This unironically contains one of the greatest climaxes in cinematic history.
However, I stand by a single change that I would have made to the script: Rabbit should have won the final coin toss and he should have chosen to go first. It would have reinforced the fact that he went into the battle with the very specific strategy of admitting to all of his shortcomings and all of the misfortunes in his life, so that Papa Doc would no longer have anything to build his verse on. It’s a subtle change, but a significant one for the protagonist, who had previously won the toss twice before and had elected to go last both times.
SHIVA BABY (2020)
Had I known what I was getting myself into, I would have saved this movie for October, to watch it with all the other horror movies I have on my queue for next month. I was told by my streaming service that this was a comedy, but it was, in fact, a nearly eighty-minute nightmare.
PETER PAN (1953)
People tend to forget just how big of a brat Tinkerbell was, or how big of a dick Peter Pan was. In fact, this movie is chock-full of horrible people. These broken characters, however, are what make this Disney classic interesting in the first place.
MULAN (1998)
Would this movie account for two entries in a list of the top ten Disney songs of all time? I’ve been meaning to put that list together. I bet, when I do one day, this film will show up twice near the tippy top.
MOANA (2016)
I adore this movie, but on every watch, as regular as clockwork, I get annoyed by the elements of broad comedy in this — they often feel cheap and sometimes incredibly out of place, jarring even. It’s amazing how so much of this is remarkably written, but parts of it feel like they were written by a nine year old.
I love how many times this movie reprises songs, each time sounding a bit different. It really helps give a wide angle view of how the story and the characters are progressing. It’s Lin-Manuel Miranda’s musical theater background working wonders for Disney in this department.
PEARL (2022)
Look, horror is my favorite genre, but I love genre pictures in general. Part of why I love films like this is because there really are no limits to what the artists can do. No in-story limitations and no filmmaking limitations — everything within reason, and often not within reason, is welcomed and accepted. It’s because of this that Mia Goth was free to give this movie absolutely everything she had within her as a performer. It helps that there was a sick, twisted, but fruitful character study for her to work with.
For what it’s worth, I watched this prequel first. It should make for an interesting viewing experience when I finally get around to watching its predecessor.
HOCUS POCUS 2 (2022)
Many, many questions came to mind while I was watching this (one of them being why this movie even exists), but the the question that’s bugging me the most was: Why did the child murderers deserve a happy ending?
TED LASSO: Season 1 (2020)
This teeters the line between sitcom and drama in a way I didn’t expect going in, often dipping into one of the extremes. I quite enjoy when it doubles down on the drama, but when it leans too far into the comedy, it feels a bit too silly for me — the characters sometimes turn into caricatures of humans, and once in a while, they act in a way that seems jarringly inconsistent.
All of that being said, the human drama is wonderful, all spearheaded by a character who is not only likeable, but is actually a really good guy and a great leader — not without his own demons, which is quite admirable.
Just like the rest of the world, I’m in on this show. It certainly deserves the acclaim that it’s been getting, from audiences and critics alike.
X (2022)
This was a slow-burn slasher picture with some unique twists to make it compelling — but then there came a scene between the elderly couple near the ninety-minute mark which elevated this film considerably. On a story level, it wrapped a pretty (or downright disgusting) bow on all the things we’d been hearing and seeing up until that point.
I knew watching Pearl before this would make for an interesting viewing experience, but I did not expect for this whole movie to be spun on its head like a Shyamalan film with the very first utterance of the elderly couple’s names. I saw familiar scenery throughout, but I thought it was all just an interesting artistic choice — I was wrong. And I’m glad that I was. For this reason, I think the optimal viewing order for these two movies is the order in which I watched them.
HELLRAISER (2022)
In the first half, the scenes with the monsters (for lack of a better term) were the most entertaining parts, while the rest of the film was testing my patience — there was quite the dichotomy there, and the halves were not balanced.
By the end, the monsters took over and merged with the humans to tell the story in unison. It was then that I realized the story being told was grander than I’d expected, having no prior knowledge of this IP. I’m not quite certain that I’ve wrapped my head around all of it, but I am quite certain that I was decidedly engrossed by it all.
SCREAM (2022)
I was thoroughly entertained, especially by the final act. What I want to spend the majority of this review talking about, however, is the actress for a character that shined in that final act: Mikey Madison.
She has the potential to be a star in the horror genre. Between this and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, I’ve seen enough to predict that she’ll play a dramatic role in a horror movie one day, and she will be mesmerizing and bone-chillingly terrifying. I can’t wait to see it.
HOUSE OF THE DRAGON: Season 1 (2022)
This series didn’t have much of a leash, if any at all. Audiences (myself included) were so sick to their stomach by how Game of Thrones ended that if the first couple episodes of this prequel series didn’t deliver, people were going to flee from it like it were a sinking ship. Lucky for HBO, despite how painful the experience was watching Game of Thrones be butchered right before our eyes, week after week, audiences gave this a fighting chance.
A few reference points: In the week of August 15 to the 21st, Game of Thrones, which contains eight seasons consisting of 73 episodes, was watched for a total of 559 minutes on HBO Max. The premiere episode of House of the Dragon was watched for 327 million minutes. The first episode was watched by 30 million people in the first two weeks, and the second episode saw a 2% jump on that number.
By the grace of God, our attention was rewarded with a series that went back to the roots which made Game of Thrones great: Character drama and political intrigue. From start to finish, this prequel series delivered just what we needed to wash the grimy taste of Game of Thrones out of our mouths.
It is unfortunate, however, that we will need to wait two years for the second season. If the producers and filmmakers wanted to wait to see if people would come back after the universal backlash Game of Thrones received, that is understandable — but it does feel like a mistake to finally get us back on the hook and then risk us forgetting just how much we actually enjoyed the first season in order to sit down, week to week, to enjoy the second one.
THE OUTSIDER (2020)
Listen, if you’re in the writers’ room and somebody pitches a scene that could be added after the credits begin rolling, which undercuts everything that was just shown for the past hour or two of your program, just throw that person out of the room with great haste, and don’t allow them to re-enter until they prove without a shadow of a doubt that they’re coming back with some sense. That is all I will say about the very end of the somewhat messy finale.
You can feel Stephen King running through this show’s veins, which is very much appreciated as a person who had just finished reading the book before starting this series. The main themes of the book remain strong in the series, as these law enforcement officials have to come to grips with the fact that the answers they are looking for are not ones they can easily wrap their heads around, and in fact, go against everything they know about this world.
The acting is superb from start to finish — the few scenes including both Jason Bateman and (the always exceptional) Ben Mendelsohn were an absolute treat. The cinematography was a pleasure to look at, with little exception. The writing was mostly great — however, it suffered from having too much space to fill. This limited series would have benefited from being more limited in its episode count. One too many times, an episode would come and go and I’d think back and only pinpoint a couple small (yet important) reasons for the episode to exist at all.
THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN (2022)
Let Martin McDonagh create characters in a small town and watch them come to life. These are fully fleshed out human beings with problems that range from the mundane to the deeply existential. McDonagh really tapped into his playwriting prowess for this one, and it was a pleasure to watch his drama unfold a silver screen. The pace was slow, but such is life for these characters. McDonagh’s comedy remains unmatched — consistently hilarious without telling a single joke. More than anything, I’m in awe, as usual, of this man’s talent with the pen and pad.
MONEYBALL (2011)
This really is way more interesting than a movie about baseball analytics has any right to be. I guess that’s what happens when you hire Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin to write your movie for you.
BARBARIAN (2022)
There wasn’t a single solitary good decision made by any character in this movie for the first 40 minutes. Through to that point, this felt like just another run of the mill dogshit horror movie made to make some easy money.
Then, this movie begins twisting and turning, and its depth started revealing itself to me. I was happily strapped in for the ride at that point. Little by little, the themes started making themselves crystal clear, including the ones that came about via the protagonist’s refusal to simply escape her abysmal circumstances without worrying about those she may be leaving behind.
WEDNESDAY: Season 1 (2022)
At eight episodes, this show did a fine job at keeping me entertained until the closing credits. Jenna Ortega, unsurprisingly, did most of the heavy lifting in this department, although her supporting cast was fairly good as well. Watching this, the description that kept coming to mind for it was that this felt like it should be the best show on the CW.
Knowing this was a Tim Burton production, I went in with high expectations for weirdness. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a whole lot of that. The creature antagonist at the center of this story was wonderfully designed and made me want more like it. Perhaps, the second season will be more inclined to take big swings in the VFX departments — although, I doubt a budget was a giant road block for production with Tim Burton at the helm.
The mystery was a bit convoluted for me and a little silly at times (remember my CW comment?), but I don’t recall cringing a single time, which is a minor miracle for a show that felt like it should be on the CW. Everything was good enough to keep me clicking “Play Next” when the prompt showed up at the bottom of my screen.
THE LITTLE RASCALS (1994)
Well, this was simply delightful. I can’t, for the life of me, fathom how a film like this gets made with all of these young children, but I hope for everyone’s sake they all had fun making it. I certainly had fun watching it.
Let the record show that Uh Huh is my favorite Rascal.
JERRY AND MARGE GO LARGE (2022)
I love seeing Bryan Cranston happy.
THE MENU (2022)
At the risk of falling victim to what this movie is criticizing, I must say I greatly admire when writers make their point as clear as day using a fascinatingly unique set of metaphors while also remembering to have fun along the way.
BULLET TRAIN (2022)
This movie swears it’s hilarious — that its dialogue is razor sharp and witty. It swears its characters can stand toe-to-toe with those from a Tarantino movie. It swears its interweaving stories are clever as hell. It swears its action scenes are so incredibly unique, especially with how they’re constantly getting interrupted (I can see the filmmakers hysterically laughing at this overused joke).
This movie is so full of itself. For the vast majority of its excruciatingly long runtime, it was only making me cringe.
GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S PINOCCHIO (2022)
Now this is how you remake a classic — keep its heart and perhaps some familiar elements, then mold the story to explore new themes and give the viewers a new experience using the heart of a story they all know well.
This stupendously animated remake leans quite hard into weighty themes, which was surprising and refreshing, but it never forgets to teach life lessons learned and understood by our child protagonist.
A STAR IS BORN (2018)
I was working at an arthouse theater when this film came out, and it was so popular that we played it for months — it single-handedly kept the lights on for quite a while. I used to regularly take my breaks in the theater to watch bits and pieces, before and after seeing the movie for myself. I used to love hearing the songs through the doors from the lobby. At least once per day, I’d slipped into the theater to catch that final song in its entirety — it’s so fucking beautiful. This movie holds a really special place in my heart.
BURNT (2015)
“I didn’t get my third star.”
“And yet, still alive.”
This was an easy watch, and an entertaining one at that. I loved watching this team grow into their own, under the heat of the kitchen and their chef. Adam Jones was an interesting character to watch, in how he leads, and how he views life and his work. I could have certainly gone without the whole mob/debt subplot, however — but that’s my only real complaint about what I’ve just been served.
MAGIC MIKE (2012)
The dialogue in this movie rang so unbelievably true — especially when the characters are bantering and it’s clumsy, even a little awkward.
This movie lays the groundwork for some interesting arcs for its characters (especially Magic Mike himself) but never really sees them through. It spends too much of its runtime on the stripping and not enough on the characters.
THE FALLOUT (2021)
This could have sunk into melodrama, or it could have spent too long screaming into the void about the same shit were all screaming into the void about in real life — but it doesn’t. The film follows our protagonist as she slowly but surely comes to terms with this new world she’s been thrust into. We watch her recover however she sees fit. It never gets sensationalized. It never feels like too much or too little. Megan Park managed to ride a fine line straight to the end, without ever slipping into one of the many potential pitfalls surrounding a movie like this.
I feel like I say this far too often, but that’s because it’s so often a problem: I could have gone without the final thirty seconds or so. I get the message — WE KNOW! But this character was on a journey toward healing, and the end completely undercut all that.
THE SUICIDE SQUAD (2021)
I was pretty harsh talking about the comedic elements that this movie had to offer when I saw it on opening weekend. I insisted there was nothing funny about it. Maybe I’m in a better mood this evening than I was that day, but I thought the first 30-60 minutes of this was actually quite funny.
I think the whole mind-controlling starfish thing was a clever way to have our team of protagonists fight an immense army (which big blockbuster superhero movies love doing for their third acts), in addition to the singular main villain they need to defeat.
The first third of this is incredibly entertaining. The final quarter is incredibly satisfying in how it pays off character elements that were set up earlier in the film.
RATATOUILLE (2007)
In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work, and their selves, to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.
TED LASSO: Season 2 (2021)
Subtly brilliant in how it handles human relationships — often subverting dramatic expectations for one’s that would more likely happen between humans in real life. And in this choice to go with the more realistic options, this show regularly stumbles upon profundity.
CYBERPUNK: EDGERUNNERS (2022)
This gave me the Cyberpunk experience I never got out of the game. I started that shit back during Lockdown 2020 but never finished it. I’m glad I finally got to experience the glorious cyberpunk action with all the gear and guts and gore. I appreciated that, from the very beginning, it was easy to feel the toll the technology took on the people with the upgrades — that was vital in order to tell a fulfilling story. I was pleasantly surprised when I also received a fruitful arc for our protagonist with real emotional stakes and an incredibly satisfying ending.
I’ve been seeing people compare this to Arcane, and to those people, I ask for you to please WATCH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. This scratched an itch I’ve had for over two years now, while giving me a fun way to spend about three hours. But this is no Arcane, and it’s not fair to even let people hear that comparison before going into it.
DOCTOR SLEEP (2019)
I swear to God, this film has a spell on me. I’ve seen it multiple times now, and every single time, I’ve had a lukewarm (if not poor) experience. But for some bizarre reason, my brain won’t accept that, so my finger hovers over the play button whenever I come across it on a streaming service. I’ve even gone and purchased a digital copy! I genuinely don’t like this movie, but my brain thinks I love it. I can’t explain this phenomenon. But I guess I’ll keep rewatching until I figure it out.
BLACK ADAM (2022)
I’ll be honest with y’all: I wasn’t sure what was happening for, at minimum, 73% of this movie. Maybe it’s a me thing. It probably isn’t though — I watch a lot of movies.
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS (2000)
I was only seven years old when Ron Howard made this biopic about me. It’s remarkable how he was able to so accurately predict what I’d be like as an adult.
GLASS ONION (2022)
Please, Rian Johnson, keep these movies coming. I want one every two or three years for the rest of my life. It doesn’t have to be you making them, Rian, as surely you have other projects you’d like to work on, but please at least provide some oversight for whoever takes over the reins in the future. You’ve earned my full trust.
The mystery, the comedy, the characters, the satire, the allegory — I love it all. I want to look back at a catalogue of these movies when I’m older. I guess what I’m getting at is that I want a Knives Out Cinematic Universe.
NEVER GOIN’ BACK (2018)
When the shenanigans gradually escalate in movies like this, or when the characters start doing really dumb shit, I usually check out, no longer able to suspend my disbelief. This film did a remarkable job at making me believe every single thing that happened could certainly happen to these characters, and I wholeheartedly believed every line of dialogue and every action they took — I was fully immersed and enjoyed every minute.
THE LAST DANCE (2020)
I don’t think I’ve ever rewatched a documentary, let alone a docuseries with a runtime of nearly five hundred minutes. This is as good as sports docs get, I suspect. I don’t imagine this will be topped in my lifetime.
KIMI (2022)
If this movie were a novel, it would be placed on the shelf that’s at eye level at the airport bookstore, right next to The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn.
